This week’s guest blog is from Andy Cope – co-author of Shine – Rediscovering Your Energy, Happiness & Purpose. Check out some of Andy’s advice on how to take criticism – something we have all tussled with. Who hasn’t let a harsh word or unhelpful feedback ruin our day, our week or even our life? Read on for some wise words…
By Andy Cope:
“You’re reading this on Shine! magazine UK, so you’re already a dedicated follower of positivity and awesomeness so I’m crediting you with an open mind and freshness of thinking. Hence, I’d like to go a little off-piste. Take a gamble. Here’s an unconventional piece of advice but hang in there, it’s a gem.
Choose not to respond
Be like Chris Tavare. Eh? What? Chris who? Next time someone criticises you or says something that would normally cause you to bristle and react, let it go. Choose not to respond.
Think of life like a cricket test match. The reason it takes a full five days is that the batter doesn’t hit every single ball. Some balls are too fast, too slow, too wide or unplayable. So more often than not the batter will let the ball go, and it sails through the wicket-keeper, who catches it and polishes it at the bowler saunters 100 yards back to their starting point. And off we go again…
That happens for 5 days and it usually ends in a draw.
I’m proper old (!), so I remember an English batsman called Chris Tavare. In a game of slowness, Chris was like an arthritic snail. He somehow carved a career out of letting almost every single ball go through to the wicket-keeper. In the summer of 1981 I was glued to the TV as Chris took nearly 7 hours to score a measly 35 runs in Madras. Ladies and gents, it was mesmerising. Compelling. Achingly slow. A news report described his performance thus; ‘he began not to bat but to set, concrete drying under the sun.’
Anyhow, when you choose not to rise to a misjudged comment, think of yourself as letting that one go through to the wicket keeper. To win the game, the batter doesn’t have to slog every ball, and to maintain your sanity and serenity, you don’t have to rise to very comment.
Criticism? Let it pass. Life’s too short. Stop trying to beat the hell out of everyone and everything. Be Chris Tavare.
Be discerning about who you will take criticism from
Sometimes criticism can really sting. And there are plenty of people who stand on the edges of life, throwing negativity around. Social media makes this ever so easy. Haters are gonna hate. Trollers are gonna troll. People are gonna unfriend you on social media.
The trick is to ignore the criticism, unless it’s delivered by someone you truly respect and care for. And who cares for you too. In which case the criticism will be well intended.
From now on, the only criticism that you will accept is that delivered by those you respect and/or those whose opinion you value. Think about that inner circle of people – there won’t be many. You should be able to write their names in the postage stamp sized box.
Next time someone says something critical, cruel or upsetting, check if their name is in the box. If not, you can ignore the comment because their opinion doesn’t count. If their name is in the box, act on their words. They care about you so take measures to improve yourself.
It boils down to this, we’ve all been wronged, treated unfairly, dissed, dismissed and criticised. As someone once said to me, ‘I haven’t got time for any new wounds – my old wounds are still healing.’
The tips and tricks in this article are bigger then they seem. Over time, your brain circuity rewires. Stemming the dam of negativity opens up the pathways of positivity. You’ll feel happier, more energetic, less stressed and better able to deal with the haters.
As it says in our book, if you’re gonna rise, you may as well SHINE!”
SHINE rediscovering your energy, happiness and purpose by Dr Andy Cope and Gavin Oattes published by Capstone and available now on Amazon £10.99
Order info here: Amazon
